Archive | September, 2011

I’m baking brownies tomorrow!

30 Sep

I know…kind of scary.  I’m baking them because my parents and sister are coming over for dinner to celebrate my dad’s 81st birthday.  He loves chocolate – so do I. 

Usually when I bake, I like to eat the batter, lick the bowl, spoon, etc.  Then, at night, I’ll have a big brownie.  The next night – the same.  I’m mad for the [insert whatever dessert it happens to be] brownies and can’t wait for dessert.  I kind of get excited for dessert after we’ve cleaned up from dinner and get ready to watch TV.  It’s as if a law will be passed the next day declaring brownies a banned substance.

I’m sure that if I told my dad that I didn’t feel comfortable having the brownies around, he’d understand.  He knows that I’m on a mission.

But, I think this time is different.  This time, I have you.  That’s right…one of the main reasons I started this blog was to add an accountability component to my plan.  So, listen up.  Right now, I’m telling you that when I bake those brownies tomorrow, I will not lick the bowl, or the spoon.  I will bake the brownies, and then tomorrow night, when it is time for dessert, I will have a small brownie.  After that, I’m sending them away.  Either my parents can take them home, or I’ll send them with my husband to his Saturday morning golf game so his friends can get an 8:00 a.m. sugar rush along with their Red Bull chaser.

I really don’t want anything to be off limits (except, well, maybe potato chips and Cheetos – but that’s another blog).  I don’t want to feel deprived, because I can be one heck of a rebel if I think I can’t have or do something.  This is NOT the last dessert in the world. 

I’ll admit, I do have some obsessive thoughts running around in my head about how, oh, maybe I won’t lose any weight this week if I have a little brownie.  BUT, that’s not realistic either.  I don’t want to take my compulsive thinking in the opposite direction.

So, here’s to doing things differently – I will post a follow-up to report how I do with the baking – report it to you, my friends and supporters.  It helps knowing you are out there.  I have received so many wonderful comments, emails and phone calls from friends and family telling me how proud they are, and asking me to let them know how they can help.  I am so grateful for all of the feedback.  It’s not like I thought anyone would really say, “What a terrible idea this is!  Why on earth would you want to lose weight and improve your health?”  But, I didn’t think about all that I would receive upon embarking on this vulnerable journey.

So, thanks, friends!  I’m not sure I could so this without you.

Sprouted Grain Tortillas…

28 Sep

from French Meadow Bakery – are my new favorite ‘carby’ thing…but, it’s complex carbs.   They are made from a blend of sprouted grains and legumes and have a soft, chewy (in a good way) consistency!  I got them at Whole Foods and think they were about $2.

They are 150 calories each, no fat and 5 fibers, 9 proteins. 

I’ve been having mine with a schmear of either hummus or goat cheese, few ounces of chicken, red onion slices, tomato and lettuce.  I do heat the tortilla in a large, non-stick skillet first to get it a bit more pliable before piling in all the good stuff.

I thought I’d share this new food yum with y’all.  I’m really starting to crave them (in an okay way!)  *bonus – they are organic*

Am I REALLY hungry…

27 Sep

…or just not stuffed?  It’s honestly hard to know.  How can I still feel hungry after eating a ‘normal portion-sized’ meal?  Last Tuesday for lunch, I had a can of tuna mixed with capers, red onion and part non-fat sour cream and part olive oil mayo.  With this I had a stick of celery, 10 baby carrots, a pickle, 10 baked crackers and a nectarine. 

When you look at this list it’s a LOT of food. 

Of course, I ate it in front of the TV (which is another matter for a later date), so I wasn’t really aware of my hunger level as I ate.  But, I would say I never felt full.  Maybe I was a normal person’s full.  But, my overly stuffed full, I was not – which actually feels kind of good.  The problem is it also feels weird.  I feel like I should still be eating.  And, it also leads to a false sense of, “Well, I didn’t eat THAT much for lunch.  I’m sure I can have something else.”

About a half an hour after I eat, I feel satiated (not to be confused with full), which I guess is satisfied.  Right, normal eaters?  Then about an hour or so after I eat, I swear I think I feel hungry again.  I don’t think I really am hungry, but that’s my inexperienced assessment.

The absence of one sensation doesn’t necessarily mean the opposite is taking its place.  There IS gray in between the black and white – a BUNCH of shades, which is another lesson I need to learn.  I know I’ve heard it said that a 1 – 10 scale* should be applied to your hunger level, and I think that’s a tool I need to put in my arsenal.

  • 10: Stuffed. You are so full you feel nauseous.
  • 9: Very uncomfortably full. You need to loosen your clothes.
  • 8: Uncomfortably full. You feel bloated.
  • 7: Full. A little bit uncomfortable.
  • 6: Perfectly comfortable. You feel satisfied.
  • 5: Comfortable. You’re more or less satisfied, but could eat a little more.
  • 4: Slightly uncomfortable. You’re just beginning to feel signs of hunger.
  • 3: Uncomfortably hungry. Your stomach is rumbling.
  • 2: Very uncomfortable. You feel irritable and unable to concentrate.
  • 1: Weak and light-headed. Your stomach acid is churning.

The bottom line here is, I don’t have to feel stuffed to be satisfied.  It’s okay to feel the absence of being too full, with a little touch of ‘I could see where I might be hungry in a few hours’ sprinkled in for garnish. 

This is all so new to me (though I’ve dabbled a bit in the past). 

I wonder if the day will come when these ‘new’ sensations will become old hat.  I kind of hope so, though I don’t want to forget the time when they felt new and taught me some much needed lessons.  Of course, by then, I’ll probably have newer new sensations to deal with!  

*This scale courtesy of Bob Greene’s The Best Life Diet

Week One Wrap-up

25 Sep

The most important lesson this 1st week would definitely be to make sure I am aware of when I NEED to eat, and to plan around my schedule.  There were a couple of days when I found myself getting ready to run out to an appointment or meeting and realized I hadn’t eaten in a while, and would probably get REALLY hungry while I was out.  That hungry/shaky feeling makes me quite grouchy!  And, I admit, it freaks me out a little bit.  “What if I’m hungry and don’t have anything to eat that is on my plan?”  (Okay, take-along-snacks will definitely be a good idea!)

In fact, on Saturday, I got up and futzed around for an hour or so, then, Tom, my sister and Tux and I went for a walk and had coffee out.  Around 11:00 I realized I hadn’t eaten and was very hungry — but it was going to be lunch time soon.  So, I had a hardboiled egg.  By the time we headed to Chipotle for lunch (around 12:15), I was quite agitated.  In fact, I declared that if Chipotle had a line when we arrived I would promptly fall into a toddler-like meltdown worthy of a serious timeout.  (Fortunately, we did not have to see if this would come to pass, as there was not even one person in line when we walked through the door.)

My younger brother (who has just lost 65 pounds through a metabolic health center) tells me that to jumpstart your metabolism, you should eat within the 1st hour of getting up in the morning.  I am not a big fan of eating right when I get up.  I prefer to have a cup of coffee, wake up and then have some breakfast.  However, on the days I go to 9:00 Jazzercise, I will have already been up for about an hour and a half.  I feel I need a little something for energy, but I don’t want to feel full when I start ‘jazzing’ around.  My solution to this is an apple and a tablespoon of peanut butter not long after I get up.  Then, after class, I will have the ‘normal’ breakfast.  Just a little switcheroo!

The takeaway this week is I need to be mindful so I don’t run off the rails from being too hungry.  It makes me feel irrational, and, well, I just don’t like that feeling very much.  All in all, this was a good first week.  I’m weighing myself once a week, and will get on the scale Monday morning at the Y when I show up for my early a.m. treadmill workout.

My goal for this week:  The gym with Tom Monday, Wednesday; Jazzercise Tuesday, Thursday and Zumba on Friday.  I’ll report my results next week!

Healthily yours,

If not now, then when?

24 Sep

That is how I’m feeling about losing weight, feeling healthy, NOT always feeling stuffed, and being able to walk a few flights of stairs without being too ‘huffy/puffy.’ 

And yet, bigger than my desire for these things is my fear of failing.

I felt pretty good (and mentally ready) getting up this past Monday morning at 6:30 with Tom and going to the gym – then thinking about my eating plan for the day/week.  I’m really excited about not having indigestion.  = )

There is also a part of me that gets a little panicky to think about not feeling ‘full’ which for much of my adult life has been defined by feeling like I have eaten too much.  I don’t know where this fear comes from. 

For a long time, I think maybe it was the only thing I did feel.  Maybe, too, it’s easier for me to have a physical stuffed feeling rather than deal with unpleasant emotions.  This will definitely be a challenge for me, and I’m hoping my therapy will help in that regard.

Another potential obstacle is that I can’t yet imagine myself 50 pounds lighter.  I have been fat for so long now, I can’t picture what it will look OR feel like.  Even when I was a teenager and NOT fat, I thought I was.  So, my perception on this, I’m now guessing has never been realistic. 

This could be a tough part of my journey.  But, I will attempt to be as honest as possible as I deal with it, both for my own well-being, and in the hope that maybe someone will relate to it and, at least, feel less alone in their own struggle.

–Kendall–