I’m throwing a major internal tantrum right now…

I don’t know if it is set off by packing and getting ready for a trip.  (I LOVE to travel, I HATE to pack.)  Added to this, it’s house cleaning day – I know, it’s childish, but I HATE chores.

There are certain things that come up on the ‘to do’ list that I irrationally imagine are going to take F O R E V E R, which I think sends me into a tailspin.  I think, “How am I going to get it all done?”  Well, in reality, there is plenty of time.  But, I can feel myself stomping my little toddler feet and shouting, “But I don’t WANT to do it!”  I notice it’s not “I’m not GONNA do it,” and I think that is a part of this turmoil.  Because along with my inner tantrum-thrower is also the ‘good girl’ who always does everything she is supposed to do.  It’s not like I can just NOT pack (well, I guess I COULD, but it’s going to be awfully cold in Mammoth, CA this week).

I belive this is what led to me dreaming about a BIG ASS bowl of popcorn with butter and parmasean cheese.  I thought about it all afternoon.  I didn’t have the popcorn – instead I had a few more gluten free crackers and cheese than was in a normal serving.  And, I think I’m kinda mad that I didn’t get the popcorn to relieve the tantrum.  (Did this lead to ANOTHER tantrum?)

And, I’m still unsettled and kind of pissed that I have to clean the bathrooms and make a packing list so I don’t go off and forget something important.

In the scheme of the world, this seems like such a silly thing to be thinking about and feeling – but I can’t help it.  That’s what is going on inside of me.  Of course, if I WOULD have had the popcorn, I would have had to report that here, and, well, that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?  I know that helped.

I guess it’s time to take a deep breath, and get out the windex and toilet cleaner and face the inevitable.  I wonder if I could teach Tux to use a swiffer?