I wish you could have seen my lunch bowl today…

30 Oct

my post-lunch bowl, at Chipotle, that is.  We no longer order their yummy, salty, limey, chips, and for a long time now Tom and I have shared an order of guacamole between our two bowls.  BUT, here’s the shocker…

I left behind some food in my bowl because {gasp} I was starting to feel full!  Tom even looked at me like perhaps I’d been kidnapped and another being had inhabited my body.  “I know,” I said to him, “strange, huh?”  But, I truly was starting to feel like I’d eaten plenty, and like I didn’t want that last layer of beans, lettuce, rice, etc. on the bottom of my bowl.

It felt good, and it didn’t feel like a struggle – something I had to make myself do.

I wish I could convey how unusual this is for me.  I’ve always marveled at people who eat a little bit of their food and decide they just don’t want anymore, and push it away.  It rivals my disbelief that someone could actually bury their face in a cat and NOT come up sneezing, wheezing and scratching their eyes.  (Yes, I AM allergic…) 

I guess what it made me feel was kind of ‘normal.’  And that is a word I haven’t used lightly in the past – especially to describe myself and anything having to do with my eating/compulsion.   It feels like a victory…at least for today.  And, that’s really all we can deal with at one time, right?  Today…


One Response to “I wish you could have seen my lunch bowl today…”

  1. Dani October 31, 2011 at 4:57 am #

    Glad I finally got around to looking at this. Congratulations Kendall! On all the big steps like your first 10 lb and all the small ones. I wish all the best on your journey…call me, text me, come on over whenever you need a walk, a friendly ear, anything…

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