Well, it was bound to happen at some point…

18 Nov

I gained a pound and a half this week.  With a combination of less exercise and a little more food, it’s not a big surprise, though I guess I was at least wishing for a ‘no loss’ week.

I think I’ve been pushing the envelope for awhile now to see what I can ‘get away with’ and still lose weight.  (It feels VERY much the teenager in me to test the situation – dare ya, dare ya, dare ya.)  So far, it’s worked…until now. 

Though I committed to no chips earlier this week, I wasn’t able to keep that promise.  It wasn’t as bad as it could have been – I had two 2 oz bags instead of a huge bag, and I didn’t feel gross afterwards, which is good.  BUT, I also noticed I didn’t feel any better after eating them either.  I still felt kind of emotionally yucky before AND after the chips.

It was one of those days where my craving was an itch that I so badly wanted to scratch…it truly felt like addictive behavior.  I tried some tactics to get me not to buy and eat them…I blogged, emailed with Tom, waited for a couple of hours.  But, I found myself in the store buying some things for dinner, and I grabbed the chips.  I would say, maybe the first 2 – 3 tasted really good, then I didn’t really taste them anymore.

I haven’t been in the best emotional space during the latter part of this week, and I’m not really sure why.  Nothing has happened.  The only thing I can think of that is different is – Ive been sick, and I didn’t get as much exercise as I had been in prior weeks. 

I am wondering if part of these feelings stem from the fact that I can no longer soothe myself with food anymore, which is kind of a loss in a way.  If I’m more aware in general, then I’m going to notice that the food isn’t working the way I used to believe it did.  It can’t make me feel better, or make anything go away.  So, perhaps I’m needing to find something else to do when I’m not having my best day.  AND, learn somehow to sit with feelings that aren’t so enjoyable or comfortable.  There’s really no magic relief button.

I’m feeling a bit of ‘healthy lifestyle’ fatigue.  But, I noticed that a couple of weeks ago, too, and things turned around.  So, I’m sure this time will be the same.  I just don’t want to find myself sliding down that bumpy carnival slippery slide on a burlap sack!  After all, most of my pants are smaller now!

Today feels a little tough, but that’s the way it is.  I can’t snap my fingers and change it.  For today, I have my eating plan, AND I just got a couple of healthy cookbooks from the library for inspiration.  This could be what I need for a turnaround in mood and enthusiasm – some new healthy recipes for next week…

For now, it’s time to roast up some Brussels sprouts! YUM…

4 Responses to “Well, it was bound to happen at some point…”

  1. Dee November 19, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    I like how you wrote “healthy lifestyle fatigue.” It’s so true but you nailed it on the head with the description!

    • Kendall November 19, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

      Thanks, Dee! It’s so nice to feel validated!

  2. Jeanine Hemel Sullivan November 19, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

    I think we’ve talked before about how sometimes the remedy to that icky feeling is just rolling in it for a day. I’ve felt that addiction feeling more than once, too. Just one more t-shirt or one more pair of shoes. And the icky feeling that it’s supposed to help, doesn’t go away. You have a good handle on other ways to feel better, though. Your writing must help a lot, you know you like to exercise (in certain, fun ways!), and you like to be a careful cook. You have a great husband, and all those accessories, too. And many friends who love you SO! I am one of them, by the way.
    Jeanine

    • Kendall November 19, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

      Thanks for the reminders. I love you, too!

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