A crime of opportunity, desperation and sleep deprivation…

21 Dec

I’m VERY angry with myself right now, because I just polished off a large bag of Wavy Lays.  Oh, I’m angry because I ate all those empty calories.  But, more than that, I feel miserable…and I know I’ll be feeling it for a long time today.  What a dope.

I was VERY tired and stressed from work deadlines and some insomnia the last two nights.  And, I know being tired is a huge trigger for my compulsive eating.  I didn’t even try any tactics to stop myself.  Part of me wanted to do it, to ease my tiredness and stress.  It was a true junky moment, and I am beating myself up for it.  Unfortunately, it didn’t ease anything…I’ve ruined my own day.  I had a very brief thought of throwing it up for relief, but that is an avenue I don’t care to explore.  Not a big fan of chucking up.

So, I have to sit today with my physical and emotional pain for a poor choice made.  It sucks and feels like crap.  The only consolation I can find is that I used to do this on a very regular basis, and now, the majority of the time, I’m able to reason with myself to make better choices.

I need some salty crunchy Frito-Lays methadone treatment, which, I guess in this instance might be something like Pirate’s Booty, which I don’t want to need either.  Cold turkey…

Ugh…

2 Responses to “A crime of opportunity, desperation and sleep deprivation…”

  1. moobabes December 21, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

    It’s tough, but it’s good you realize :: it’s part of your old behavior and it didn’t work. The day is not lost though. My bootcamp instructor told me once, after I had binged to drink 5 glasses of water throughout the day and get some exercise–and move on.

    love you.

    m

    • Kendall December 21, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

      thanks. i’m off for a walk with my neighbor, but may need to go to the gym later…

      my new purse arrived today, but I don’t feel like I deserve to open it. hopfully, tomorrow i’ll feel better… love you, too

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