Archive | June, 2012

Refining the Bribe…

28 Jun

The current ‘loosy-goosy’ parameters of the bribe just aren’t workin’.  Apparently, if you ‘give an overeater an inch, she’ll start thinking about what she can get away with, and still get to book a massage!’

This may be news to you, but I’m a very clever girl.  Yesterday, I convinced myself that since I can’t have nightly dessert in order to get into that plushy, Allison robe, I could have some red licorice and an oatmeal cookie in the afternoon.  Even as I was chomping, and not really tasting this oatmeal cookie, I knew it was just, well, wrong.  The spa bribe is definitely an ‘e ticket’ ride, and I can’t feel good lounging over the latest Travel Magazine if I haven’t been completely honest with myself – and what I’m trying to accomplish with this goal.

SO, I’ve refined the bribe rules a bit, and here are the updated requirements:

For five days in a row, no salty, crunchy, chip-like snacks; no dessert food [only exception is a square or two of dark chocolate here and there], and NO big, ‘ugh-I-really-feel-stuffed-pass-the-Rolaids’ meals.  Once this has been accomplished for five consecutive days, the spa day will be in my clutches.  Considering yesterday’s afternoon sweets indiscretion, this is now day one.  So far, so good…

I had to go to the store for an item for tonight’s dinner, and that can be a dangerous thing – especially if it’s before lunch.  I wanted something to make my lunch ‘extra yummy’ (i.e. usually this involves chips or somthing not-so-good for me).  I settled on some brown rice cakes – one with turkey and cheese, and one with a Laughing Cow blue cheese[like] schmear.  That seemed to satisfy the crunchy craving for today.

I’m worried I might want something sweet this afternoon, and I’ve already decided that if I do, I’ll have a little granola with milk or yogurt.

So, that’s the plan for today.  The weekend will be a challenge as it is usually when we indulge in dessert.  BUT, if I can get through these next five days, I should be able to have something dessert-like on the 4th and still get my buns to the spa next weekend.  Hope they’ll have an opening…

God Bless dark chocolate, and God Bless America…

Decisions

27 Jun

[Originally written circa 2:30 p.m., Tuesday, June 26th before the Internet made it vanish.]

Apologies if there is dust in your face from me brushing this sucker off.  Was it really May 9th when I last published a post?  Indeed…

What is IT, that thing that makes us finally decide to do something we have either been putting off for a long time, (and)/or don’t want to do in the first place?  I hope you weren’t expecting me to provide the answer.  That was a totally rhetorical question.  Now, I think THAT would be a study worth paying for – rather than, say, whether or not lap dancers get bigger tips when they are ovulating.  [Not kidding.]

My motivation has gone underground.  I have no idea what it was back in late September that made me decide ‘if not now, then when’?  I’m back to wanting to believe I don’t have an addiction [not sure that part ever went away]; that my relationship with food is normal.  I want all of my hopes and dreams to come true while sitting on the couch watching season four of ‘Drop Dead Diva.’ I’m not asking for a miracle here.  I mean, that’s at least 13 weeks –longer if it overlaps with the summer Olympics.  But, I guess that’s not going to happen.

Therefore, I have decided to steal a move from Anne Lamott’s playbook.  Yesterday, in her Facebook post, she mentioned  there are three[motivational] things that have always worked for her, both as a writer and a mother– bribes, threats, and nagging.  Not a huge fan of the nagging.  But, I can get behind a bribe [previously known as ‘treats’.]  And, this is a good one.

If this week, Monday through Friday, I can go without salty, crunchy snacks and dessert every night, I get to book a treatment at the Allison Spa in Newberg.  I know, right?!  This means wearing a plush robe, sitting in the sun, reading magazines, drinking tea and having meals brought to me [that I order off the menu and have to pay for, but still]!  I usually save the big treats bribes for the big successes – The Allison ain’t cheap.  But, desperate times, people… I need to get back on that train!

I started craving salty crunchies late this morning when I realized it was going to be a crazy day.  And, no, I did not buy them.  Instead, I made a questionable compromise.  I went and bought two pieces of KFC.  I figured it’s much closer to ‘real food’ than Cheetos and chips, yet provides big, salty flavor.  And, it was accompanied by a lovely asparagus, broccolini salad leftover from last night’s dinner. Oh yeah, and that damned, friggin’ biscuit I didn’t know was coming with my chicken.  Okay, I said it was questionable!  But, the thing is, I didn’t have chips.  Unfortunately, I DID pretty much feel as full as I would have if I’d had the chips.  In hindsight, it wasn’t a great decision.  It was a HUGE lunch.  I’m hoping tomorrow will be better.

Surprise – I need to detox, once again, from the [crack of] salty carbs and sugar.  [Do you think there is some kind of Cheeto Methadone I could get my hands on? Scientific study anyone?]  Monday I was SO hung over from the frozen yogurt with fudge and caramel sauce I had Sunday night, I was tempted to cleanse or fast.  Okay, not really. Times are not THAT desperate. But, I did not feel good.  It’s time to get back to a routine of having dessert only once or twice a week.

While on the subject of routine, it’s time to start keeping my food journal again, and blog on a regular basis.  Those accountability pieces have been sorely absent.  Unfortunately, [yes, sometimes it feels like a ball and chain] they are an important part of my plan.  I’ve been putting it off because I felt I had to write about everything that’s happened since my last post.  Not only is that a daunting idea for me as the writer/confessor, but probably a bit much for the readers as well.  [I want to thank those friends who responded with encouraging words to last night’s FB post about my lack of enthusiasm in reviving my blog.  It helped me more than I can say.]

Instead of rehashing the last several weeks, I start from this moment FORWARD –an important word for me.  I feel like I spend most of my life on a stationary bike, spinning, but not the good-for-you kind – lots of peddling and getting nowhere.  Wanting to stay still and, I don’t know, be safe while going over the same inner ‘crap’ again and again?  I’m not even sure what kind of sense that makes – at this point, it’s just a feeling. Basically, I guess it’s time to get off the ‘gym’ bike, hit the streets and press on.

It’s back to baby steps.  They certainly have been known to work.  I don’t know that it’s been proven in any kind of scientific research – like, say, discovering if dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas.  But, if anyone is interested in uncovering that ‘how-do-we-finally-get-ourselves-to-make-tough-decisions-and-change-our-ways’ thingy, I’d be willing to help fundraise.  Or, at least find someone who’d write a grant.

For now, my dog is warbling at me from the living room [so much for trying to skip the nagging part of the Lamott triad] in a subtle attempt to remind me we haven’t walked yet today.  I guess it would be a good idea to try and work off at least one bite of KFC skin.  I shudder to ‘do the math’ on that particular equation…

SO VERY MAD right now…

26 Jun

I just spent 45-mintes writing a great blog post and the site just decided it wasn’t responding…NOT happy.  I already didn’t have the time to do it in the first place, but made a commitment to myself and a friend to get started again today…

better get out and walk the dog to blow off some steam!!!!!!!!!!!  I’d like to throw something…