Did you know, that *I* don’t have to live by the rules?

20 Mar

Yeah, I know – that’s a load of crap!  Trying, trying again to fool myself…

I’ve been REALLY tired the last several days.  I think it is for several reasons: 1) a little too much wine drinking on Saturday, 2) many work projects that I lay awake and think about at night – how am I going to get everything done?  how should I prioritize my projects?, 3) working on things that are requiring me to stretch my brain – not just coasting along and doing the same work I’ve been doing for years.

All of these things, and I’m sure more I”m not even aware of, led to a big chip binge yesterday.  I kept telling myself, “Hey, I deserve this.  I’ve been working hard, I’m tired, [I may have lost some money at the casino on Monday].  I deserve whatever I want!”

It’s being back in that state of feeling like I can do what I want without any consequences whatsoever.  That just doesn’t happen in this world.  I want to coast through and still reap the benefits of hard work.  I ask you, who wouldn’t want that?  Three wishes – 1) to eat whatever I want and be thin; 2) to never workout and always be as fit as Jillian Michaels; and 3) enough money to be comfortable, travel the world, etc.  Are these such bad wishes?

So, my newly adopted mantra over the last couple of weeks (which I totally stole from an article about someone who’d lost a bunch of weight), is, “I can do hard things.”  I like it, and it does help when I’m feeling overwhelmed, or when I feel I’ve committed to doing something for someone that isn’t easy for me to accomplish (even though I’m perfectly capable].  You know, that feeling when you have just gotten a new job, and you are constantly asking youself when they are going to realize you’ve oversold your abilities?

Well, I really DIDN’T feel like confessing the chip binge, but I promised someone I would blog about it today.  So, now it’s done.  I need to make sure today is a healthier eating day.  I’m feeling like I just want to crawl back in bed and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.  And, I may for awhile, after my next phone meeting…

2 Responses to “Did you know, that *I* don’t have to live by the rules?”

  1. Diane March 20, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

    Great blog, Kendall. Really got me thinking about how I get envious of things that just seem to be “given” to others and the stuff I do on the name of ” I deserve it!” Keep up the good ( hard) work!

  2. Jeanine Hemel Sullivan March 21, 2013 at 1:43 am #

    “I can do hard things.” Simple. Counter-intuitive. I noticed this week that some of my days were kind of hard and I had a lot to do. [Wait, that’s every day.] But somehow, if I kept my focus off of the list, I would somehow cruise through, using my existing skills and instincts. Then, because I have succeeded, I know that I can do it again, WHENEVER I WANT TO. I feel less pressure knowing this. [Warning: one can become complacent and believe that one can put together a full lesson plan in ten minutes EVERY morning. Reality check, please.]

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