About

My name is Kendall, and I am an emotional and compulsive eater.  I am 100+ pounds overweight, and cannot remember the last time I felt pretty or sexy; not even on my wedding day in August of 2006.  I have been on blood pressure and cholesterol medication for several years.  I can be lazy, judgmental, defensive and hard to reason with.  Oh yeah, I am also funny, thoughtful, a good daughter and can sing pretty darned well.  I have a loving husband, amazing friends and family.  I have a job I enjoy that allows me to work from home and have a flexible schedule which I love.  I also have a dog that I adore way more than is probably healthy.

Unfortunately, this is the order in which I usually think of myself, if I think of myself at all.

I am 49-years-old, tired of being this heavy AND of always feeling so loathsome on the inside.  One of my major problems is I want things to change without having to change the things I do.  EXAMPLE: I want to lose weight without changing what I eat.  I have heard that this is the definition of insanity.

I am also incredibly fearful and ashamed of talking about my eating and my weight.  So, I thought, ‘why not start a blog?!’  Crazy?  Yes!  But, I think I am also tired of being afraid and of always hovering in the shadows.  My blog is 50 by 50; losing 50 pounds by my 50th birthday.  This is going to be hard, and I admit, my thoughts right now are that I’m going to fail.  That’s how I always feel about my ideas to lose weight, which, honestly, haven’t been all that many.  The weight has come on slowly, which makes the number on the scale that much harder to comprehend.

I am stretching this a bit beyond my birthday, which is April 22.  My husband and I are planning to go to France and Italy next May.  So, I’m extending the ‘by 50’ to a few weeks after my actual birthday.  This gives me 34 weeks.  Given that a two pound weight loss per week is healthy, I don’t think my goal is set too high.  However, my husband and I love to cook, entertain, drink good wine and eat good food.  Not to mention, we’ve got Thanksgiving and Christmas with which to contend.

I don’t have a solid plan except I plan to head back into therapy to help me sort out the emotions behind the eating.  I will also make an eating plan at the beginning of every week so I am prepared.  I will share my struggles, triumphs, exercise, recipes, good food finds and any ‘ah hah’ moments that come up.  At this point, I am choosing not to include my weight number, but will post a current picture of myself, and report the amount lost or gained on a weekly basis.

I don’t know where this journey will lead me, but I hope to learn some valuable things and to become a smaller version of myself on the outside, while growing emotionally huge on the inside.

One Response to “About”

  1. Krista September 25, 2011 at 5:46 am #

    Kendall, you beautiful creature!
    I applaud the cojones it takes to state your crazy goals in public. You know what? You CAN do it. You won’t fail, because you’re awesome. I 100% believe this, and I know you do, too. Go, GURRRRLLLLL! 😉

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